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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102409">he looks up, grinning like a devil</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenraeofsun/pseuds/goldenraeofsun'>goldenraeofsun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the story of us [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blow Jobs, Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, High School Student Castiel (Supernatural), High School Student Dean Winchester, M/M, Secret Relationship, unhappyish ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-09 04:41:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenraeofsun/pseuds/goldenraeofsun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The humid, almost-summer wind hangs heavy in the Impala. Soon, this empty lot will be swarming with parents and kids, packed into the drive-in for the double-feature.</p><p>“I guess we’ll have to find a new spot,” Dean says weakly.</p><p>Cas doesn’t respond at once. “Dean,” he starts, and Dean’s heart sinks in his chest at the way Cas says his name. “I don’t think we should.”</p><p>Even though he’d been expecting it, the words land like a physical blow to his sternum.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the story of us [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908529</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>207</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>he looks up, grinning like a devil</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Angst and an unhappish ending ahead!</p><p>This <em>series</em> does have a happy ending, so feel free to skip ahead a few fics if that's your jam ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean kills the Impala’s engine and waits, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. Wind rustles through the trees overhead and crickets chirp in the darkness, but otherwise it’s eerily quiet at this time of night. Dean doesn’t dare turn on the radio or play his cassettes - Cas told him the Impala is already on thin ice with her obscenely loud (his words) engine.</p><p>Dean told him he’s damn lucky he’s hot - nobody else could say those things about his baby and live.</p><p>Still, Dean parks two streets away from Cas’s house just to be sure. One time, lights flickered on at 72 Meredith Street as he pulled up, and Dean nearly had a heart attack.</p><p>Fingers tap against the window, and Dean unlocks the passenger-side door. Cas climbs inside. </p><p>“Drive, Dean,” he orders.</p><p>Dean starts the engine.</p><p>The tension in Cas’s shoulders eases the further they get out of town. He leans back in the passenger seat, eyes closing. The moonlight catches on Cas’s face, and Dean has to look back at the road.</p><p>“Long day?” Dean tries. He didn’t see Cas at all, except for a stolen glimpse through the Chem lab window on the way to English at eight in the morning. Dean was barely awake, so it doesn’t count.</p><p>Cas nods. “The longest.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>Cas’s eyes slit open before he sags back, relaxing even further. “Do you really want to know?”</p><p>Yes. </p><p>“Humor me,” Dean says instead.</p><p>Cas sighs. “My brother came over for dinner.”</p><p>“Jimmy?”</p><p>“He brought Claire,” Cas says heavily, “to celebrate her last day of first grade.”</p><p>“Not a fan of kids?”</p><p>Cas shrugs. “She’s fine. Blonde. Shy. Mother loves her.” He smiles sardonically. “Jimmy has the perfect nuclear family. Like he always wanted.”</p><p>Dean can hear, clear as the crickets outside, <em> like I always wanted. </em> He almost reaches across to touch Cas, but he stops himself just in time. This isn’t for that.</p><p>He pulls into the empty lot, a heavy weight dropping into his stomach. In the distance, the billboard-like screen has been repainted a startlingly bright white. The months-old trash has been picked up off the asphalt. And, Dean might be imagining it, but even the ticket booth looks like it’s been cleaned since he and Cas came here last week. Fuck.</p><p>The humid almost-summer wind hangs heavy in the Impala. Soon, this place will be swarming with parents and kids, packed into the drive-in for the double-feature.</p><p>“Dean?” Cas asks, and from his tone, Dean can tell it isn’t the first time he’s tried to get his attention.</p><p>“Yeah,” Dean says distractedly. He tears his gaze away from the horror show outside the windshield. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Cas says, leaning forward in his seat. “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>Dean makes a face. From their first tutoring sessions, Cas would ask these kinds of questions. He’d ask Dean what was on his mind, and he’d mean it. Armed with a weird sixth sense for sniffing out Dean’s bullshit, Cas was never satisfied with Dean’s standard answers: variations of “nothing” and “what’s it to you?” </p><p>“The drive-in,” Dean says honestly. </p><p>Cas stares out at the empty lot too. “I read in the paper that the movies are supposed to start up again next week.”</p><p>Dean hums his agreement. Sammy was over the fucking moon. He’d already made plans to go with a couple friends from middle school.</p><p>“I guess we’ll have to find a new spot,” Dean says weakly.</p><p>Cas doesn’t respond at once. “Dean,” he starts, and Dean’s heart sinks in his chest at the way Cas says his name. “I don’t think we should.”</p><p>Even though he’d been expecting it, the words land like a physical blow to his sternum. Dean opens his mouth, but no words come out. Eventually, he croaks, “Why?”</p><p>Cas flashes him a look. “You know why.”</p><p>Dean lets his gaze drop to his hands resting lightly on the steering wheel out of habit. It’s not like Cas ever hid the reasons why this thing between them could never see the light of day. For fuck’s sake, Cas still lets his mother drag him to Church every Sunday morning even though he hates it and hates her. </p><p>Goody two shoes Cas would never be caught dead with Dean, who never put much effort into religion or anything else except taking care of Sammy. Dean’s a regular fixture in detention, and he’s skipped class <em> this week </em> more than he can count on one hand.</p><p>Miles away from the Dean Winchester trainwreck, is Castiel Novak, who had a brief stint as an altar boy and has had a much longer stretch as a straight-A student. Cas is so <em> good </em>, he even got tapped to join the student-tutor group and got stuck with Dean’s Latin-challenged ass at the beginning of the year.</p><p>At the end of the summer Cas is destined for some fancy Ivy League university.</p><p>(Princeton because his brother and father both went to Harvard)</p><p>Dean’s only going to community college in the fall to show Sammy higher education is a must, not an option. Not that Sammy needs much swaying in that department.</p><p>Dean fishes in his jacket for his flask and politely offers Cas a sip before tipping it down his own throat. It’s a familiar burn by this point, and the bitter warmth softens the blow of Cas’s decision a little.</p><p>“How’s Sam doing?” Cas asks.</p><p>“Fine.”</p><p>Cas sneaks a glance at Dean out of the corner of his eye. “And your father, did he come back yet?”</p><p>Dean nods. “After two weeks of radio silence, he finally graced us with his presence,” he says sardonically. He takes another gulp from his flask. “Look,” he says to head Cas off at the pass, “Can we not talk about it?”</p><p>Cas cuts himself off from whatever he was about to say. “Yes, Dean.”</p><p>When Dean looks back over, Cas already has one hand braced on the back of the seat, the other on the dash. His entire body angles towards Dean, his gaze predatory. Dean resists the urge to gulp. Instead, he licks his lips, tasting cheap whiskey and his own heady anticipation. Cas crawls over him, and their legs automatically slot together, almost from muscle memory.</p><p>The first time they did this, Cas almost kneed Dean in the balls. Dean spent a full minute laughing about it, as Cas hovered above him in mortified silence.</p><p>Now, they’re well practiced at moving around the Impala’s front and back seats. Dean tugs Cas down for a messy kiss, his hands wrapping around Cas’s body to grab his ass. Cas squirms on top of him, breathing out harshly through his nose, as Dean presses him impossibly closer, grinding their hips together. </p><p>“Cas,” Dean breathes as Cas’s lips move away from his mouth to trail kisses across his jaw.</p><p>“What?” Cas breathes. “What can I do for you, Dean?”</p><p>“Fuck,” Dean swears as Cas worms his hand between them to palm Dean over his jeans.</p><p>Cas shuffles slowly down his body until his face is level with Dean’s crotch. Eyes dark and full of promise, he slowly, so slowly, unzips his fly.</p><p>Dean does the standard pants-off wiggle so Cas can maneuver his jeans off his ass, trapping his thighs awkwardly together since no piece of clothing ever comes all the way off during their time together. </p><p>Cas leverages his weight onto one hand. The other takes Dean in hand, smearing precome over his shaft to ease the way.</p><p>Dean hisses at the touch, and, fuck, he’s already so hard and leaking something fierce. Cas swallows him down like a pro, and Dean doesn’t bother muffling his moan as Cas sucks him off.</p><p>Their first time, Cas had been so tipsy and nervous, he almost forgot to watch his teeth. After one near miss, Dean wound up showing him how it was done. And, sure, if Dean had known ahead of time what was happening, he wouldn’t have let Cas’s first time be in the back of the Impala at the far end of the school parking lot after a late Latin tutoring session, but beggars can’t be choosers. </p><p>If Dean’s learned anything from his time with Cas, it’s who’s the beggar and who’s the chooser.</p><p>It’s probably more than a little fucked up. But since when has anything in Dean’s life gone the way he wanted it to?</p><p>His dad’s MIA more often than not. Sammy’s already itching to leave even though he isn’t even in high school yet. And Dean fell for the most unavailable kid in Edlund High.</p><p>At least Dean gets this.</p><p>Cas takes him in deep and swallows, throat muscles constricting around the head of Dean’s cock. </p><p>Dean’s hips buck involuntarily, seeking more of that delicious heat and slick pressure. </p><p>Cas doesn’t choke. He eases off, a hungry look in his eye, as his hand wraps around the base of Dean’s cock he can’t reach with his mouth. He dives down for another round.</p><p>Dean whimpers.</p><p>He should’ve known Castiel Novak was trouble the first time he smiled at him.</p><p>At the time, Dean had felt special. Cas was the untouchable loner of Edlund High. Always studying in the library. Never with friends. Dean had figured he had a stick up his ass the size of a Christmas tree.</p><p>(He later learned that was not the case.)</p><p>Cas picks up speed, his hand jerking Dean off in earnest as his tongue swirls fireworks around the head of his cock. Dean’s hips jerk under the onslaught, his harsh breathing fill the Impala as he gets closer and closer to the edge.</p><p>When he finally falls off, Cas’s mouth catches every drop.</p><p>Cas might have everyone else fooled that he’s perfect and untouchable, but at least Dean can sleep soundly at night knowing he’s the only one who’s ever seen this side of Cas - smirking up at him from the darkened interior of the Impala as he massages the hinge of his jaw after a job well done.</p><p>“Fuck.” Dean slumps, boneless. His head thunks against the driver’s window, probably painfully, but he hardly notices in his post-orgasm haze.</p><p>“Indeed,” Cas says, his eyebrows raised. “Was that satisfactory?”</p><p>“A plus, dude,” Dean says lazily because Cas always asks him the same thing after sex. God knows why, probably to fulfill whatever hole for praise his dad left behind when he abandoned ship.</p><p>Christ, Dean didn’t used to be this jaded after sex. Even in his own head.</p><p>“Give me a sec,” Dean says as Cas hesitates above him, unsure of where to put his body next. “You can relax, dude,” he says with a reassuring smile. Gently, he guides Cas to lay down on top of him. “This is nice.”</p><p>“Is it?” Cas rumbles on his chest, and Dean can’t see his face from this angle. He only gets an eyeful of messy dark hair.</p><p>“You’re warm.”</p><p>“It’s almost summer. Everyone is warm.”</p><p>Dean rolls his eyes. He reaches up a hand to card his fingers through Cas’s hair. Cas shivers. “We don’t have to stop,” Dean says quietly. “Hell, we don’t have to find a new spot.”</p><p>Cas props himself up on his elbows, his eyes intense as ever as they study Dean’s face. “You know we can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?” Dean challenges. He jerks his chin towards the empty lot stretching out beyond the Impala. “We’re at a fucking drive-in in my fucking car. The only difference will be a movie playing.”</p><p>“Dean,” Cas says, the warning clear in his voice.</p><p>Dean scowls. “One measly movie won’t be the end of the world.”</p><p>Cas’s jaw clenches. “I don’t want to talk about this.”</p><p>Dean deliberately grinds his hips up against Cas. “You can’t honestly be telling me you want this to stop.”</p><p>“No,” Cas says quietly, his face heating, “but it should.”</p><p>“Why?” Dean asks. He almost cringes at the winy note in his voice. “I want this. You want this.”</p><p>Cas ducks his head. “It’s not that simple.”</p><p>“It’s not that complicated,” Dean retorts.</p><p>Cas sighs. “I can’t, Dean. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us. Please stop asking.”</p><p>Dean shuts his mouth with a snap, his next arguments dying in his throat. He’s not the kind of guy to force someone to be with him if they don’t want to be. Dean did his part, and if Cas doesn’t think it was enough; it wasn’t enough. Simple as that.</p><p>“Do you still want to get off?” Dean asks as Cas moves off of him.</p><p>Cas is quiet for a long moment as he retreats back to the passenger side. “No.”</p><p>Well, if that doesn’t fucking sting. Dean sits up straight and shame-facedly pulls up his pants. He bangs his elbow into the steering wheel and swears loudly.</p><p>Cas flinches.</p><p>Dean ignores the automatic twinge of sympathy. Refuses to let it show on his face.  “What now?” he asks shortly.</p><p>“Drive me home, please.”</p><p>Dean keeps his mouth shut as he twists the keys viciously in the ignition (he mouths a silent apology to his baby) and pulls out of the deserted drive in.</p><p>Cas has never been one to waste his breath on meaningless yapping, so the trip back to Cas’s house passes in silence. Heavy, oppressive, silence.</p><p>Dean, who usually wastes words like they’re made of loose leaf paper, has a million things he wants to say to Cas, but he can’t make a single one get past his throat. He cuts the headlights a block early, and they stop at his usual spot two streets away from Cas’s house.</p><p>Cas doesn’t immediately bolt for the safety of the residential neighborhood. Since Dean’s not about to kick him out after their last time, they both sit, frozen, in place. The cricket’s chirp away the passing seconds.</p><p>Cas breaks the stalemate first. “Thank you,” he says seriously.</p><p>“Dude, you’re the one who blew me,” Dean says bitterly. “No thanks are necessary.”</p><p>“Not for that.”</p><p>Trust Cas to sincerely thank his fuck buddy for all the good times together. Dean rubs a hand down his face. “Yeah, I know.” </p><p>Cas rests his hand lightly on the door handle. “Goodbye, Dean.”</p><p>“Hey,” Dean can’t help himself, reaching out to touch Cas one more time. His fingers dig into Cas’s upper arm, keeping him with Dean for one more second. Big words hover on the tip of his tongue, one more desperate plea, but he swallows them down. Instead, he says, aiming for playful and probably missing by a hundred miles, “Don’t forget me, while you’re away at your fancy college, alright?”</p><p>Cas shakes his head once. “I would never, Dean,” he says gravely.</p><p>“Well, good,” Dean says as he lets Cas go. “I - I’ll see you around?”</p><p>Cas spares him one solemn nod before he gets out of the Impala.</p><p>Dean doesn’t wait for Cas’s back to turn before he starts up the Impala and drives away. Thank fuck Dean never told Cas he loved him; it would’ve been the worst thing he’d ever heard.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story is also on Tumblr <a href="https://goldenraeofsun.tumblr.com/post/632142920003289088/he-looks-up-grinning-like-a-devil">here</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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